Boredom Patrol
First day on the job, and absolutely nothing happened.
Leo was thrilled. Easy money. Just walk around and boom—full day’s pay, no sweat.
But Google, walking next to him, was clearly starting to lose it. He let out a frustrated sigh and muttered,
“We’ve been walking around for like half a day and nothing’s happened. I can feel my soul getting eaten away, chunk by chunk.”
“I can’t take this anymore. This is driving me crazy. I need some kind of fight. Battle. Stimulation. Anything but this.”
Leo said casually,
“If you’re tired of walking, we can find a place to sit for a bit. It’s not like this job requires us to keep moving.”
Google had just grabbed a can of Coke from a random stand they were passing by. Of course, he didn’t pay. He kept walking.
“That’s not what I mean,” he said. “It’s not that I’m tired from walking. It’s just… a whole day with no fighting. It bored me out of my mind.”
“It’s driving me insane.”
And instead of pulling the tab, he just clenched his fist—and crushed the can out of pure frustration.
The aluminum gave way with a loud crack. Coke exploded from the mangled can, spraying all over the ground.
Leo looked over at Google, who was clearly on edge now. He had no idea what to say. So he just kept walking quietly, pretending nothing had happened.
The Call from Aisle 3
Then, a voice came through their intercom.
It sounded like it was coming from a nearby supermarket. The voice said,
“Someone just stole something from inside the store.
They shoved a pack of crackers and some gummy bears into their tote bag.
Wearing a white shirt, black pants, and a pair of sunglasses. Kinda pale. Not very tall.”
The second Google heard the message, his eyes lit up.
“Finally,” he said. “Someone worth challenging. Sounds like a tough opponent.”
Leo followed him as they rushed toward the supermarket entrance.
The Old Lady Suspect
Just a few steps away, they spotted someone who matched the description from the intercom.
It was an old lady—had to be at least eighty or ninety.
Hunched over, skin pale and wrinkled, wearing a white shirt and black pants, with a pair of sunglasses hanging from her collar.
Google pointed right at her.
“She’s gotta be the one who stole the stuff.”
Leo grabbed his arm.
“Hold on,” he said. “We might have the wrong person. Let’s double-check before we—”
But before he could even finish, Google had already taken off.
He launched himself straight at the old lady—and punched her in the face.
She flew back and slid across the ground for several meters.
Overkill
The old lady lay on the ground, groaning. She couldn’t even get up.
Google clenched his fists, lowered his body into a deep stance—like he was charging up for something big.
“You can’t fool me,” he said. “My eyes are sharp. I can tell—you’re a martial artist. You’re holding back, hiding your power.
But if you don’t fight back, I won’t be holding back.”
Leo tried running to catch up, hoping to stop Google from doing any more damage—but he was just a second too late.
Before he could reach him, Google had already charged forward and kicked the old lady right in the gut, scooping her clean into the air.
She hit the ceiling, then crashed back down hard, spitting out blood and landing on her knees, sobbing.
A Gun in Her Pocket
Google slowly walked up to the old lady. Even he now sensed something wasn’t right.
Maybe she wasn’t a shoplifter. Maybe she wasn’t a martial artist either.
But he kept his posture and said,
“Get up already. I know you stole the stuff. Give it back.
I’m not letting you walk out there and terrorize the next supermarket.”
The old lady stayed on the ground, pleading,
“Please… what have I done to deserve something like this?
Young man, please… I didn’t steal anything. Please.”
Even now, Leo didn’t bother trying to stop him.
He just stood back and watched the scene unfold.
“Please… just let me go. I don’t know who you are, and I don’t know why you’re doing this to me.
But please… please let me go.”
She kept repeating it again and again—
“Please just let me go. Please just let me go.”
Google stood there, a little dazed.
And then—the old lady suddenly reached into her pocket and pulled out a small handgun.
She pointed it straight at Google’s chest. Right at his heart. Finger tightening on the trigger.
Booger Saves the Day
From a distance, Leo saw it.
In one swift motion, he picked a fresh booger from his nostril—and launched his signature move: Booger Attack.
The booger flew through the air like a slow-motion streak, gliding perfectly toward its target—and hit the old lady’s hand.
A loud pop went off, like a firecracker. Her hand jerked back. The gun dropped to the floor.
As soon as Google realized it, he was enraged.
He charged forward and unleashed his kick with fire and fury like the world has never seen—straight into her chin.
There was a horrible cracking sound. The old lady flew back into the candy aisle, her neck twisted at a weird angle.
She didn’t move. At all. Her limbs stiffened, frozen in place.
The Real Criminal
Soon after, the police arrived.
Leading them was Chief Grayson—bald on top, but with a long strand of hair combed over from one side to the other.
He was short, wore a slightly wrinkled police uniform, and had a greasy look to him, like he hadn’t showered in a couple days.
He barked out a few quick orders while his team got to work.
One officer carefully covered the old lady’s entire body with a white sheet—the kind they use on dead bodies.
Another officer opened up her tote bag and pulled something out—a pair of socks. That was it.
Very clearly, she was not the thief.
Google froze for a second, eyes wide, utterly surprised.
“Oh my god,” he muttered. “I totally didn’t see this coming.”
Even Leo covered his face with one hand. He was not even surprised at all.
He knew the old lady wasn’t the suspect. He had known it all along.
Then, from the street, two cops brought in the real suspect—handcuffed.
He wore a white shirt, black pants, sunglasses, and a cigarette dangling from his mouth.
He had a tote bag over his shoulder.
One of the officers opened it—inside was a pack of crackers and some gummy bears.
Google saw the scene unfold and muttered,
“Oh shit. Fuck my life. I’m definitely getting fired on day one.”
He stood there, totally dead inside.
“Maybe it’s time for a career change… start looking for a dishwashing job or something.”